Hello Friends!
I know it’s late and I probably should be in bed right now considering that I have clinical tomorrow starting at 6:30 in the morning. Haven’t been getting a lot of sleep these last few weeks and won’t be getting much sleep for the next two weeks. It’s crunch time with exams and papers before finals begin in May. How did this semester and this year already go by so fast?
For some reason, I thought I still had some 70+ days until Kenya, but I just saw one of my Kenya GP teammate’s FB status that says there are only 59 more days to go. 59 more days!
Anyway, the last few days have been a struggle for me and somewhat discouraging. I keep trying to remind myself to fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18). Still, it’s been hard and I’ve found my strength wavering a little bit here and there. I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed with school, but on top of that, there are so many other things I want to do that I just simply haven’t had the time to do – spend more time talking to family, spending more time in prayer, studying God’s word, meeting up with and hanging out with people ( I’m sorry if you’ve felt neglected or forgotten by me. I haven’t forgotten!). I want to be able to pour more into people, into relationships, but my responsibilities towards school have taken most of my energy. And yet no matter how hard I try, I don’t feel like I’ve been doing a good job at anything. I’ve spent so much of my energy on school this semester, and yet the effort has not been reflected in my grades. I know that seems silly because in the grander scheme of things, my grades are only such a small part of what God can do. And I feel so selfish, because there are problems in this world that are way bigger than mine. My problems really are just a tiny tiny speck.. But still it’s been a discouragement and distraction as I find my mind often preoccupied with thoughts that continue to instill fear in me. I know that I still need to learn to trust in Him fully. I’ve always tried to find my worth in approval from others, to be accepted and liked by people, in things that are “tangible” and that can be visibly seen. Though I know my identity and worth should be from God, this is still one area I often still have a hard time with.
Personally, family is also going through a tough time right now and I feel so helpless because I’m so far away and feel like there’s not much I can do to help comfort or help unite our family. I really do love them dearly from the bottom of my heart and know that God is working through these trials for His glory and for our good. I have already seen that He has been using this time to draw our family closer together and also to Him individually. The journey hasn’t been easy, but even through the tears and the unanswered questions, I continue to hold onto the fact that He is good and He is faithful.
Because of all these things that have been on my mind, I’ve been distracted and honestly have not been spending a lot of time praying about my upcoming Kenya trip. God has been so GOOD and so FAITHFUL in showing me that this is where He wants me for the summer. He has provided so graciously in terms of the support I need to raise. And He continues to provide me with prayer partners each day! I am so extremely thankful for the prayers and support of my dearest friends and family. The emails and letters that people have sent me have been such an encouragement even in the midst of all that has been going on. When I read the emails (even if they’re just a few sentences long!), it brings such joy to my heart to know that I have people who are supporting me and praying for me. How can that NOT give me strength? Thank you guys, really I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I feel so blessed to have such supportive friends and family, and a God who is always giving me new strength. I will not lose heart. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
I always love to find songs to listen to repeatedly. This has been my song for the week. It’s “Blessings” by Laura Story and I love how she sees trials as God’s mercies in disguise. 
We pray for wisdom Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long as we have faith to believe
‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
